Baby Boy

I haven't got to update in a long while. Baby boy is doing so great. He's due late January and my husband and I couldn't be happier. The thoughts of what we lost get better everyday. It was one step in lives that honestly made us stronger and more ready for this little monster on the way. More to come.

11 weeks

So, my husband and I reached a milestone yesterday. We reached 11 weeks of being pregnant. It was the quietest victory we had ever had. We were 10% really happy, and 90% scared that it was a false victory (or at least I was). The last time I almost reached 11 weeks, was in February. I missed it by a day.  Here I am pregnant again. I'm exhausted, I'm tanned from exercising at the pool to keep baby healthy, and I still can't let myself be excited. I want to, don't get me wrong. I want to look at cribs, I want to pick out names or plan out a nusery. But I don't. I fell for that once.

We have told very few people. Last night we told our best friends. It should have been a joyous announcement. I should have been dying to tell them. But when we did, my husband spilled it, not me, I found myself shaking. I found myself apologzing and holding back. I wanted to tell them to hold the due date, but I couldn't give it all up. Part of me still thought, "this is going to hurt more when it leaves."

It turns out what I am feeling is very normal for what happened. I read "Easing the anxiety of pregnancy after miscarriage" Easing the Anxiety of Pregnancy After Miscarriage If I'm so normal, why doesn't anyone understand what going on with me. I'm sick of people telling me not to worry. I went weeks without knowing it had died.... this feeling that something could be wrong will take a long time to leave my system.

Then I keep making deadlines. The last time I had a haircut was when I was pregnant. So I told myself that when I knew the baby was safe I would gladly go and get it cut. I'm at 11 weeks and I constantly think.nope not yet. Maybe week 13..maybe when I see it waving from the screen..maybe when I feel it..URG!!

Just needed to get that out...

Psalm 119:103

Really..we are blogging now?

Hey Chickens! Did not see this coming huh? Me writing a blog. Well here it is. I'm in the Mid-August phase of "what to do..what to do.." Me sitting in the park reflecting was getting a bit lonely. So I will try to use this to share the things I've found in hopes you will all get something from it. What you should know about me. I am newly (okay not so newly married lady) about to turn 30... that dabbles in education, movies, Christianity, weight-loss and travel along with many other odd things. Enjoy what you find, let me know what's going out there.

Love,
Em